


May He Find Eternal Peace

by alexfckingnovak



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Dies, Panic Attacks, Short One Shot, im sorry, this is very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexfckingnovak/pseuds/alexfckingnovak
Summary: One inch of wood. That is all that separated him from his love. Tears stung his eyes and his legs shook under the weight of his body. One inch of wood.





	May He Find Eternal Peace

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer !!!! in this fic I describe a panic attack with a lot of detail so please read with caution if that might trigger you!
> 
> uh yeah i hope y’all enjoy

One inch of wood. That is all that separated him from his love. Tears stung his eyes and his legs shook under the weight of his body. One inch of wood.

Alec raised his hand and laid it on the smooth surface. Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he stared at his loves face. God, how peaceful he looked. He was no longer covered in blood and ichor, his face no longer scrunched up in agony, tears no longer leaking from his beautiful eyes. He was finally at rest.

Alec gripped the side of the coffin, sparing his lover one last agonizing look before walking off, allowing other people the chance to grieve.

The ride to the cemetery was silent. No one dared to speak about anything, not with Alec in the car, and not when he was suffering so much. Jace, in part, was suffering too. He could feel the emotions coming off his parabatai in waves, the unbridled anger and the ever growing depression.

The procession was rather small, Alec being the only one to place a single red rose on top of the sealed coffin, nearly buckling under the weight of his grief. A sob escaped his lips as he stepped back from the coffin. This was it. He was gone.

The tears flowed faster now, and his lips trembled even more. He had to keep it together, at least until everyone left. He, leader of the New York Institution, couldn’t be seen crying over his lovers untimely demise. He couldn’t afford be weak.

The coffin was lowered into the ground and just as the first shovelful of dirt landed atop the coffin Alec broke. Cries of agony escaped from his lips as his vision blurred so much so the ground blended with the sky. He wasn’t supposed to die, that was his thing. It was Alec who was supposed to die, not him. Never him. Jace caught Alec as he fell to the ground, holding his brother upright as he finally let go. Ever since Alec closed his lovers eyes on the battlefield he had remained stoic, but now, now he let it all out.

Eventually people started leaving, sparing the grey headstone one last glance before hurriedly walking away. Alec was the only one who stayed, ushering Jace, Izzy, and Clary out of the cemetery, assuring them that he would be fine. They refused at first, but caved once Alec looked them in the eyes, heartbreak written all over his face. It hid the corners of his frown, in the lines of his face, the pain was nearly engrained in every strand of his DNA.

Alec watched as they drove off, leaving him to his thoughts. He tried to focus on the feeling of the breeze against his skin, on the feeling of his shirt rubbing against his bandaged chest, anything other than that night. He arrived back in front of the headstone far too soon for his liking. All he could do was stare at the words engraved in stone. That was all that was left of his love. After what seemed like forever he fell to his knees and screamed. He screamed until his throat was too hoarse to continue, and then he cried. He cried so hard he couldn’t think anymore, the only thought passing through his head was that he was gone. Gone. 

Panicking, he dug his fingers into the dirt and tried to suck in a breath, but failed. More tears leaked from his eyes as he sporadically gasped, his dull nails reaching up to claw at his throat. His vision grew fuzzy and he wilted with lack of oxygen. His lungs were on fire and his tongue felt like cotton, why was this happening to him. He desperately wished that he wasn’t alone, that the calming presence he missed so much was right back by his side. But he knew that wouldn’t happen. He had failed.

Alec couldn’t take a deep breath until after the evening sun had set, dipping so low beyond the horizon that nothing was left but bone chilling darkness. He had run out of tears long ago, left choking on his own emotions for hours.

It should have been him.

He stayed there for as long as possible, but he knew that he couldn’t ignore Jace’s texts forever. He was needed. Taking a deep breath, the cool air soothing his burning throat, he stood and looked down.

“Goodbye.” The word hung in the air and it seemed as if the world stopped spinning. His eyes read through the engraved words one more time before he turned on his heel and walked out of the cemetery gates.

 

Magnus Bane  
1982 - 2019  
May he find eternal peace.


End file.
